reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
