i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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