She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Barsexuality is the new black.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
