My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
