So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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