Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
