I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
