I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
