just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
