I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We had sex on a dog bed..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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