He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
