how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
