What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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