I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
