I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
