we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
