I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
