i don't like sucking hair
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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