Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
