I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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