Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
