thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
