The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
