Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
