You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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