I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
