I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
