lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're a waste of cheezeits
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
you never un-have a 4some
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
