Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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