He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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