I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
