You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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