and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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