Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
