y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
