dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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