2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We are two peas in an std pod
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
