I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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