my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The power of my boobs compel you
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
