he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
