about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
