I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize