end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
