im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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