I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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