what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
