Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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