WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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