I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
