So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
be right there i have to get my cape
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
