I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize