At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
