your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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