Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
