can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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