woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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