my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you will always have a special place in my vag
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
