I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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