the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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