Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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