one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
