did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
