If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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