I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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