when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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