I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
