i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
