so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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