He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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