I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
